In this tutorial a Band is had by us 7 essay graded by an.

In this tutorial a Band is had by us 7 essay graded by an.

First it is possible to read the essay, and directly after we break up which sentences helped this essay score a Band 7.

Each criteria happens to be considered additionally the sentence within the essay has been colour coded to correspond to your fours marking criteria used by the British Council / IELTS IDP.

This tutorial shall allow you to understand:

  • How an essay gets a Band 7
  • What sentence structures and language becomes necessary for a Band 7
  • Ways to smoothly link ideas

The population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people at the present time. Do the advantages of the situation outweigh the disadvantages?

It really is well known that some countries have a population with more people that are young old people. Even this fact could have both advantages and disadvantages, for me the positive implications of having a youthful population over-weigh the negative ones. This essay will talk about the advantages and disadvantages examples that are giving support both point of view.

On one side, having more younger people can lead to a lack of professionals within the society. Older population may be more educated compared to young one, this really is being why they have had more hours to analyze a career that is professional their lives. For instance, in order to become a professional physician it is needed at least 10 years of university studies and this may possibly not be able for a young adult yet. In addition, younger population have less life experience than old population. People after their 50’s may have been through a complete lot in life as well as may become more ready to solve any day-life problem than younger people. This can make it possible to form a less society that is stressful. Lastly, younger populations are going to have higher level of crime, this could be because young people have significantly more energy to commit crime than old people. A study through the University of Chile revealed that when you look at the south of Chile, where the population is mostly young, the rate of robs and crimes where twice greater than into the north where the majority of the population where inside their 50’s and older.

Having said that, youthful populations come in general more vigorous and more happy. This may be them to work more and maintain them-self more active because they have less old age-associated illness leading. Adding to the reality that healthy people can perhaps work more efficiently, with this they can subscribe to the economy regarding the country, earning money as opposed to spending. For instance, it’s true that old societies spend a lot of income in health for their old citizens. Another positive part of having adult that is young is that there are more odds of having outstanding sport professionals. Young people have more some time more energy than old individuals to practice and become an excellent sport professional. In soccer all of the players retires from their soccer-career once they turn thirty yrs old. With old people there would be no time for you to start a sport career. And last but not least, young societies are more inclined to have outdoor activities for the community. This might be as they are more proactive in organize those activities and in addition prone to participate in them. Old people can be too tired to venture out.

To close out aided by the arguments given above, I firmly think that some great benefits of youthful population over-weigh the disadvantages. Despite the fact that, there are many positive facets of having a mature population
that we should think about.

It really is well known that some countries have a population with increased young adults than old people (TR1). Even (CC1) this particular fact might have both pros and cons, In (GR1) my opinion the positive implications of getting a youthful population overweigh the negative ones (TR2). This essay will talk about the benefits and drawbacks (LR1) giving examples to guide both point of view.

TR1 – Good to begin by paraphrasing the question.

CC1 – Check the meaning / use of ‘even’.
GR1 – https://domyhomework.services Check your usage of punctuation.
TR2– good to clearly state your opinion.
LR1 – A bit repetitive. You will need to vary your usage of vocabulary when you can.

On one side (CC2) / (TR3) having more younger people may lead to a lack of professionals within the society. Older population may be much more educated compared to the young one, that is being why (LR2) they have had additional time to analyze a specialist career throughout their lifes (LR3) . For example (CC3) / (TR4) , to become an expert physician it is needed at the very least 10 years of university studies and this might not be able for a young adult yet (GR3). In addition, younger population have less life experience than old population. People after their 50’s (LR4) may have been through a complete lot in life (LR5) and so they may become more willing to solve any day-life problem than younger people. This might assist to form a less society that is stressful. Lastly, younger populations are likely to have high rate of crime, this might be because young people have significantly more energy to commit crime than old people. A research through the University of Chile (TR5) revealed that into the south of Chile, where the population is certainly caused by young (GR4) , the rate of robs (LR6) and crimes where twice more than into the north where almost all of the population where inside their 50’s and older.

CC2 – an phrase that is appropriate introduce your first ‘body paragraph’.

TR3 – Good organisation / use of paragraphing.
LR2 – because
LR3 – life (singular), lives (plural)
CC3 – Appropriate language to introduce an example.
TR4 – Good to incorporate a good example to aid your idea.
GR3 – Some problems with sentence structure here. Perhaps ‘specialist physicians require at… that is least and young adults have not yet had time and energy to accumulate this knowledge..’?
LR4 – Perhaps ‘who are over fifty’.
LR5 – Perhaps a little regarding the side that is informal but lovely natural usage of language.
TR5 – Again, good to utilize examples to aid your comments.
GR4 – Accurate use of a relative clause.
LR6 – Take care here. ‘Rob’ is a verb – plus the noun is ‘robbery’.

On the other hand (CC4) / (TR6), youthful populations have been in general more active and more happy. This might be because (CC5) they usually have less old illness that is age-associated them to your workplace more and continue maintaining them-self more active (LR7) . Adding to the fact healthy people can perhaps work more proficiently, using this they can contribute to the economy for the country, making money in the place of spending (GR4) . As an example, the simple truth is that old societies fork out a lot of income in health with regards to their citizens that are oldLR8) . Another positive part of having adult that is young is there are more chances of having outstanding sport professionals. Young people have significantly more time and more energy than
old visitors to practice and be an sport professional that is excellent. In soccer a lot of the players retires (GR5) from their soccer-career when they turn thirty yrs . old (LR9 ). With old people there would be no time and energy to start a sport career. And last but most certainly not least (CC6) , young societies are more likely to have outdoor activities for the community. This may be because they’re more proactive in organize those activities and also very likely to take part in them. Old people could be too tired to venture out.